At the root of our anxious overexertion lies the deep-seated fear that we will not be taken care of, that we will be abandoned or betrayed by others, by ourselves, and by God. The most effective antidote to this haunting fear is the practice of gratitude, enumerating ways we have been cared for. (Cameron)
There was chaos in the barnyard this morning. Since spouse is out of town, I’m caring for it by myself, and I think the critters always sense that they can probably get away with more. Anyway, the weather has take a turn for the absolutely-gorgeous after what seems like an interminable summer of rain, and all the guys in the barnyard were feelin’ feisty. Those who had some special little tidbit (oh, by the way, I forgot to mention I always give treats when I’m tending to things), wanted their neighbor’s, who wasn’t about to give it up, and up and away they would go. Feathers and fur flew. I retired to the house, muttering nasty things about the ingratitude of it all. Try to be nice to some folks . . .
It made me start thinking about the concepts of jealousy and envy, which I’ve always gotten mixed up. Jealousy is supposedly more natural, being fear-based, and is when you’re upset and resentful because you perceive that someone else is trying to get something that you feel you more rightly deserve. Envy, on the other hand, is evidently one of the seven deadly sins, and is when we feel angry or bitter or resentful because we want something that someone else has, and may be motivated by those feelings to go to ugly ends to get it away from them.
Sometimes, I regret to say, there is both jealousy and envy amongst the critters in the barnyard here at the farm. Most of our crew don’t hesitate to take something from another that they want, and seem to feel great glee in doing so. And when I pay too much attention to one, I can pretty well bet another is gonna be lying in wait around the corner for them.
Things certainly are straight-forward in the animal world. None of this moral confusion or angst for them. While on the other hand, not only do I experience occasional bouts of jealousy and envy, I compound the difficulty by being overcome with guilt and remorse for having them . . . and if something unfortunate should happen to the person of whom I was jealous, I can feel truly wretched.
We humans just might make life far too complicated. Especially if you ruminate about things as much as I do. There’s a great story called Mysterious Are the Ways of the Lord that kinda reminds me not to obsess too much about the whole deal, because we’re never really gonna understand life anyway, and instead to just feel incredibly grateful. You’ve probably heard it before, but enjoy it again, and be reminded . . .
Once upon a time, Christ came down to walk with Moses. Greatly honored, Moses thanked him, and Christ said, “Are you sure you really want me to walk with you? You may not understand much that I do.” And of course Moses assured him that he did.
As they walked along, a beautiful young man came running toward them, and Christ reached out a hand and struck him dead. Moses was appalled.
They went further to a village of fisher-people by the sea, and Christ caused all their fishing boats to sink to the bottom of the sea. Again Moses was greatly taken aback.
Finally they came to an old homeless couple whose only shelter was a sandstone wall, and Christ blasted it down, exposing them to the relentless sun. All that Moses could do was stand and ask, “Why, Lord? Why?”
Christ looked at him sadly and said, “I will leave you now, Moses. But you should know: the young man was running to commit a murder of passion which would have condemned his soul for all eternity.
“The fishing villagers were about to be attacked by a neighboring tribe who would have burned and stolen their boats. As it is, they can raise their boats from the sea’s bottom when it is safe to do so.
“And the old couple will discover gold within the wall I tore down.”