Be ready at all times for the gifts of God, and always for new ones. (Meister Eckhardt)
Maybe the angels we wrestle with are those that bring us what we need rather than what we think we want.
During our time at the Shore, I’ve found myself getting up even earlier than usual to avoid the later mugginess of the day. The air is heavy and still even at that hour, and this morning not even the faintest hint of a breeze stirred the tall shade trees with which our place is fortunately blessed. As I sat there watching the light come, I was amused by all the shenanigans of the birds and squirrels that inhabit those trees. One particular mockingbird had evidently declared all-out warfare on an intrusive squirrel; as the squirrel ran in frenzied, hysterically-squirrelly circles, the mockingbird dove repeatedly at it in a fantastic display of swooping aerial dives. It was all ole Hank-Dog could do to contain himself from joining the party. There was no seeming victor, and as I’ve already learned, the same game will be repeated again and again.
Intrigued by these blatant displays of territoriality, I was reminded of relationship squabbles, right fresh on my mind since my husband, me, Hank-Dog, and two cats make for a tight squeeze in a fifth wheel camper, with lots of possibilities for frayed tempers and snarling encounters.
Seven years ago, I married for the second time to someone about as unlike me in terms of history, experience, and personality as I could have chosen. We knew it probably wasn’t gonna be the most peaceful of journeys together, as we were both strong-minded individuals with full lives of our own. And sure enough, our own displays of territoriality make mockingbird-squirrel wars look like old time love fests. After 60-70 years of totally different histories, we are both often convinced that “My way is best.”
A sense of humor helps, as do a sense of proportion and perspective, and believing, as we both do, that there are no coincidences, and that those we are closest to are our greatest teachers, and as such, a profound gift from God.
Relationships ain’t no piece a cake, tho’, no matter at what age they begin, or how long they’ve lasted. Most of us were insufficiently mirrored by loving, affirmative parents or caregivers, and as a result, ask of our significant other that we be loved in a desired way, rather than accepting what our partner may have to offer. And as a result, and if we’re honest, it’s inevitable that along with the sweetness of communion in relationship must lie the bitterness of frustration. Remembering all this can make those relationship “issues” seem as normal and inevitable as those mockingbird-squirrel wars. And keep you from pulling your hair out.
Relationship can be the arena for learning and growing, and giving up what we are for what we can become, for the enlargement of the soul. The experience of the other as a ‘Thou’ is probably the ultimate challenge of a relationship. I remind myself of this every day as I engage in some frenzied squirrelly behavior and mockingbird swoops myself.