The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves and wiser people so full of doubt. (Bertrand Russell)
This is the week in our calendar when supposedly the veil between the known and the unknown is the thinnest, the most porous. The time that the ancients called Samhain, and we have come to call Halloween . . .
And this morning I find myself reflecting on how much I truly don’t know. I would like to KNOW this morning because I would like to be self-righteously angry over a perceived wrong, but if I’m really honest with myself, I am aware that the person with whom I’m angry doesn’t have a clue, and while that can be annoying, it’s hardly a reason for teeth-gnashing anger, even if I would like it to be.
Either-Or thinking can be a nasty place to be — as in, either that person is good or bad; there’s no room for a “maybe,” no wiggle room. That kind of Knowing that it’s either this way or it’s that way can be a very satisfying place to be for awhile, because it gives us a fix, a solution for our anxiety or our ambivalence — we long for security and answers, and our very human fearfulness makes us grasp for the control of having known-for-sure answers (even if we don’t like the nature of the answers).
What I have learned is that “the place of not knowing,” the place of Both-And, as in the person is both good and not-so-hot, is a space in the middle where, if we can tolerate the tension of having no answers, we open ourselves to the Mystery, and allow something new to happen in our lives. As we leave room for other alternatives, different possibilities for choices can emerge.
What that means for me this morning is that (maybe) I can look at this person with more objectivity and some curiosity, wondering why they did what they did. Who knows?? I might even start to experience some empathy for what it must be like to be that person.
That place of Not-Knowing seems to be a place of magic, where powers beyond our human selves are free to work, a place, where if we can bear the tension and the strain of that gray land we call Ambiguity, we are given the opportunity to grow up a little more. Not a bad thing!