The main condition for the achievement of love is the overcoming of one’s narcissism. (Erich Fromm)
I’m a cat-lover, but would be the first to say they tend to be more than a little “narcissistic” in nature. But that’s their nature, and we don’t expect much more from them, right? MO-Cat, a neutered male, moved in to the farm as a “drop-off” about a year ago, and immediately set about becoming king of the mountain with all the other rescue cats. My vet bills have gone up exponentially since he joined us. I’m still working on creating “helpful boundaries” for him, for without a doubt, Mo is a “narcissist”— everything must revolve around him, and he will do anything he has to in order to make sure that happens.
Narcissism has become kind of a trendy thing lately altho’ it’s been around a long time — comes from a Greek legend of a man called Narcissus who, seeing his own image in the water, fell in love with himself to the exclusion of all others. Basically now in psychology circles, it refers to an empathy-deficient disorder, altho’ most folks who have had to live with a narcissist would probably have less kind things to say. Being involved in an argument with a narcissist makes the old saw about “everything you say can and will be used against you” look mild in comparison.
The vast majority of us have narcissistic characteristics, because who navigates the sticky territory of childhood without some outstanding hurts? — as a result we all have an eternal childlike part of us living within who wants her own way. It’s what we do with those hurts, it’s the choices we make, that make a difference.
For the individual who is a true narcissist, not much can be done, other than advising anyone in relationship with him or her to have very clear boundaries. For the rest of us who get a little testy about wanting our own way occasionally? Try putting yourself in the other person’s place.